SO it’s thursday morning tomorrow is the day of my procedure. really this has been a roller coaster to get me here. as i sit with her and feel nothing but love i imagine what it’d be like with my own.  but he has no offers for me. he only presents more problems and RELUCTANTLY agrees.  i don’t want that. i want more and i should hope that he does too. i’m sure he realizes this? he must because this is what will be deciding factor whether i go to sc or move down the street this is it for me. i want a family. i want love. i want more than a keg party of friday night with a bunch of has been drunkards.  gawd i’m too old for this. it scares me to think this could be it for me and that time is running out and i need to run like my tail pipe is n fire. gotta go my girl is calling.